oh so back and forth that's how it seems,
whoa and when I want to talk,
you say to me that if it's meant to be, it will be, whoa, whoa
So crazy is this thing we call love And now that we've got it we just can't give up
I'm reaching out for you Got me out here in the water and I……”
The music was playing inside my head, while I watched people dancing every where like nerds. The party was in full swing. Every thing in front me didn’t make any sense so I kept murmuring the song which DJ played.
“Angela, you look gloomy” A strong voice appeared behind me interrupting my thoughts.
I turned back and it was my father, wearing a pitch black suit which was larger than his size. Next to him was Frank, My fiancé. It was ridiculous to see my father in that way, but I was not in a mood to comment about his fashion. Frank was looking at me suspiciously like a cop studying a criminal. His every action made me more uncomfortable to stand.
“Maybe it’s the increasing temperature dad” I lied. His face expressions said that he believed me.
“Thank god!” I thought.
“Why don’t you go and freshen up yourself a bit. Look it’s your party. No one wants to see you in this way. ” He suggested.
I nodded and walked away trying to find my best friend Emma.
“I must get out from here. I must get out from here” I could hear a voice inside my head screaming.
I found Emma, talking to a bunch of girls. I signaled her to come closer so we could speak.
“Hey, I thought you’re with Frank. I didn’t want to disturb you guys” She said squeezing my hands.
“This is so awkward. I never wanted to celebrate my engagement. I look like a deer caught in highlights. Of course it will happen for real when dad announces my engagement to everyone” I groaned hopelessly.
“What? are you serious? This is awesome” She screamed.
I pulled her hand and walked to the drinks bar. I filled two cups with a blue colored drink.
“So what do you mean by awkward? Isn’t this what you wanted? Celebrating the best moment of your life with everyone? Sharing your happiness?”
“Emma! That’s what you want. Not me!” I yelled.
She ignored me starting her way across the room and packing in to the dance floor.
I sipped my drink slowly and it tasted like cardboard. I kept it away and walked across the room to find a place to sit alone. Unfortunately the entire house was jam packed with people. Everyone was enjoying, but me!
Suddenly a guy walked up to me smiling. “Angela, isn’t it?”
He grinned and I raised my eyebrow “Yes, OH! Do I know you? “
“You don’t but I know you. I’m Ricky, a friend of Frank” He smiled and offered his hand
I smiled in return took his hand and shook it.
“I saw you walking alone, so thought you’d need some company”
“That’s very nice of you. But can you give me a minute. Do you know where the restroom is?
He looked confused and nodded “Yes, Upstairs last one on left”
I thanked him and made my way up the stairs firmly.
I washed my face with cold water and stared at myself in the mirror.
All I see was a face, a sad face. Trying to say something but afraid. I knew what it wanted to say.
“You don’t want this! You don’t want to marry Frank. You don’t deserve this. Just get out from here. Hide somewhere they can never find you” the voice inside my head kept saying.
I closed the water tap and pat my face from a warm towel. “Maybe that’s right. Maybe I don’t want to face this. If only I leave now” I said to myself.
I ghastly walked down the stairs, pulling and pushing everyone in the dance floor making my way to the kitchen. Only thing I wanted was to get out from that weird place. I caught Frank looking at me suspiciously yet again but I ignored him.
The kitchen was surprisingly empty like a stone cold cemetery. I wondered about Arthur, the cook. He was always inside the kitchen. But I had no time to think; I pulled open the kitchen door and ran out.
I heard music playing inside the house and the clinking glasses. None of them recognized me running away!
I opened the small gate which was situated in backside and closed it slowly without making a noise.
I ran faster and faster passing the city lights, vehicles and street dogs who came barking at me. I ran until the sight of the house faded away. The only thing I could hear was my own heart beat. I looked around trying to recognize where I was. The only thing I saw was tall buildings, cozy houses and moving people. I didn’t feel lonely with the people around me, though they were strangers. They were better than dad, Emma and Frank. They didn’t question me or forced me! I could do anything by my own. I was relieved with that thought.
Suddenly I thought about mom. She’s in Manchester. Maybe she could help me. She surely will understand me. She always wanted me to be happy.
“How am I supposed to go to Manchester?” I walked slowly towards the narrow street, thinking.
Suddenly I felt weak and wanted to sit down. I saw a bench and sat down while hugging myself tightly. I felt so relieved once again. I was wondering about Dad and others. “Have they noticed that I’m not there? Are they searching for me?” So many thoughts were coming to me.
“Manchester is the only destination where I can make my way to my dreams. I can start everything from the beginning. Dad and Frank will forgive me” I kept murmuring.
Suddenly I heard foot steps behind me and it was a man. He looked wasted. He had a strange smile on his face. I realized that sitting there was not going to do any good. I stood up and walked faster away from him as much as I could.
I wanted to look back to check whether he’s after me, but I had no guts. I couldn’t understand how long I walked or how dark it was that I didn’t realize bumping in to something hard. I almost fell on my back but a pair of strong hands caught me.
“Watch your way lady. You almost ruined my late night snack”
I looked up and met a set of dark brown eyes that was boring in to mine intently. All I saw was a man! A tall, strong man with a hot dog and lots of mustard on his face. He looked like a joker. I wanted to laugh but it was not the proper time. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you.” I pleaded
He had a short thick hair and it was brown. He had facial hair growing on his chin and cheeks. His eyebrows were thick and he raised them continuously.
“Fine, no problem” He said wiping his mouth from a handkerchief. I grinned when I finally came back to my composure.
“You have mustard on your nose” I pointed out slowly.
A small smile extended his lips before he moved his hand to wipe the mustard.
“I’m sorry lady. But what are you doing here alone? Isn’t it like 12.15am or something? Not a proper time for you to roam in streets eh?” He stated while watching around.
He was wearing a black shirt and a pair of jeans. I was wondering whether he looked like Ryan Gosling .
“I came to breathe some fresh air” A lie again!
He smiled, “What a wonder. A lady loitering in Ascot”
I felt shy with his sarcasm. Maybe he thought I’m a thief or something.
“Actually I wanted space” I said without any hesitation.
“Well not my problem. I was just asking” He replied.
I looked around at the people who went passing around us. Most of them were men or women with me! So talking to this man was my only survival. And on the other hand he looked very decent, not from the looks but from the way he talked as well.
“Do you know where the railway station is? I’m new to Ascot” I asked.
He looked around for a while and replied.
“Yes I do. But it’s a bit far. You might want to take a taxi. But I don’t think you can find a taxi here.”
“Oh” I uttered.
“In hurry?”
“Why don’t you go home and come back again tomorrow” he said with a serious look before I could reply.
That was my only fear! Going back to that creepy house of Frank. It was a nightmare, him and his whole family. No one ever understood how badly I wanted to get rid of Frank.
“Look mister, it was nice talking to you and thanks. But I must go to the station without delaying. I can’t stay here anyhow. I must go to Manchester. I’ll walk by my own”
I started walking away from here across the narrow street with tears inside my eyes trying to flow down. I was becoming so helpless.
“Hey. Just don’t go alone.” He shouted.
“A woman like you should not go alone, I’ll come with you” His eyebrows furrowed. I bit my lip and looked away.
Can I trust this man? But I have no choice. No pain no gain!
“Okay, thanks” I said looking at him.
So we walked in a slow phase in silence.
“So why in a hurry to leave Ascot?” He broke the dead silence.
All I could hear was our own footsteps chasing us. I couldn’t see anyone in the roads. Just the two of us like moving spirits.
“I don’t know” I replied.
“Okay, I was just trying to make conversation” He grinned. “I almost forgot! I’m Kevin”
“I’m Angela”
Again the dead silence started haunting us till we reached the railway station.
Kevin went to the ticket counter to ask about the timetable.
“The porter says that there won’t be any trains to Manchester until Monday. Day after tomorrow.”
I half opened my mouth with depression “Not even a mail train?” I asked with a little hope.
“Nope” He said.
“But I must leave somehow. I don’t want to stay here anymore” I said trying to control my tears
“Listen, if I knew magic, I’d a build a train. But you have to wait till Monday. If you can wait till tomorrow, you can take a taxi as well. So please go back home. You must not stay here for long. This is not a good place for a girl like you” He tried to calm me down.
“I should go now; look I’ll drop you home. Let’s go” He said in a strong voice. He looked devastated with my childish expressions. I looked like a kid who craved candy.
Suddenly the tears I held so long without breaking started wetting my eyes.
“I can’t go back.”
I sobbed louder rubbing my face.
His strong expressions converted in to soft and calm.
“Hey, hey, you don’t have to cry. I’ll help you. Please don’t cry” He started patting my back like I was a toddler.
Sparks and tinglings immediately flooded through my body with his touch. I wanted to hug him tightly.
“I look like a truant school kid I know.” I said choking my tears
“Today is my engagement with Frank.”
He didn’t look surprised but listened calmly.
“But I have no feelings for him. He’s good, he’s nice, caring but that’s unreal. There’s something wrong with him and everything. I mean nothing can get so perfect isn’t it? It’s like he’s wearing a façade.”
I was opening myself to this unknown man. I wanted to tell someone what I truly felt about my misery. What harm does it make when telling my life to a stranger? Like he is going to post it on a newspaper?
“So you’re running away from them?” He asked.
“ Yes something like that” I replied wiping my tears.
“ Am I stupid?”
“Yes, you are” He smiled.
And his smile never faded when he brought his hands to my face and cupped my cheek. He looked me in the eye and whispered “But you’re an honest person. That’s something very rare to find. And I do understand you.”
I gazed at him letting him talk. “We all have our own fantasies but we can’t make them all come true. Some times you have to sacrifice your dreams behalf on others. Only few of them get everything. But that’s not impossible if you try. Look at me! I was living a nice simple life. But now I’m hapless! I’m no one to anyone! But it doesn’t mean I’m giving up.”
“Why what happened to you.” I asked with curiosity. “I lost my job. They fired me. All because I told someone fat. Look truth hurts and costs a lot!”
Suddenly I burst out laughing “That’s insane! Why would you lose your job for such a small thing?”
“Funny for you, not for me. I had to take a photo of the mayor for one of the articles and she was wearing a strapless dress. She looked big! So I told that she’d look big in the photos and bam I got fired!” “All because I told truth, but everyone think I insulted the mayor. “ He said in a depressed voice.
He looked very calm but sad.
“I don’t belong to Ascot, I’m from Chertsey. After getting fired, I wanted to take some space from everything. So Ascot was the only name came to my mind. I just took a train and came here. I had no clothes, no enough money! Nothing! I left everything in Chertsey. So today is my first day in Ascot and look what I found. A beautiful lady in-front of me” He said grinning again.
“This man is really interesting” I thought. I wondered why I never felt about Frank in that way.
He wiped the sweat beads from his forehead and turned to me. He looked very handsome in that way. His shirt was glued to his body with sweat.
“So are we going to stay here all night?”
“I don’t know” I said watching at the large clock in the station. It was 1.30am. Few more hours and I’ll be in Manchester somehow.
“Kevin”
“Yes”
“Why did you help me? You don’t even know me” I asked with amusement in my voice.
“I’ll let you know when I find out” He ventured.
“Are you children going to stay there all night” Suddenly an old man appeared in front of us. He was the porter whom Kevin talked to. He had a tired face but kind.
“Our only option” Kevin said smiling.
“I live near the station. You kids look very exhausted. Why don’t you two come with me? I have plenty of space in my house.” It was a nice request from the old man.
Kevin and I both gazed at each other for a while. I nodded slowly, so did Kevin.
The old man gave a wide smile and signaled us to follow him.
We walked slowly away from the station in to a small foot path. It took only few minutes to reach the porters
home. His house looked really old like in those story books I read during my childhood. But inside it was so cozy with comforting space and with plenty of furniture. Kevin and I sat on chairs while the porter made us tea.
“My name is Karl William” The old man started speaking while serve us tea with soft looking muffins.
“ Kevin” Kevin said gorging on the muffins.
“I’m Angela, and thank you so much for everything Mr. William” I replied while the muffin melted in my mouth.
“No problem my dear. I don’t have anyone here. No wife, no children. I’m happy to have you children” He said while sipping his tea.
“I don’t see young couples much often here”
Kevin and I stared at each other with amazement. But none of us spoke as Mr. William went talking.
“I’ll arrange a room for you two.” He moved towards the kitchen and disappeared.
“Should we say him that we aren’t a couple” I asked Kevin.
He spent few minutes in silence. “I don’t think so. Look, he offered us a room, food and everything. And telling him the truth will make everything a mess. Also it won’t take much time for sunrise. We can do something tomorrow. I don’t think you’ll like sleeping on a station bench?”
I nodded and looked away.
“Okay this is getting weird. Where I was few hours ago and where am I now? Am I doing the correct thing? Leaving my parents and Frank and Emma? What will they say if they know that I’m spending a night with a man? Oh not just a man. A STRANGE MAN! But Kevin is a nice person. It’s not like he’s harming me. It’s better than staying with Frank. Yes it is!”
“Okay, the room is ready” Mr. William’s voice cut off my thoughts.
Both Kevin and I stood up and followed him.
The room Mr. William offered us was a nice really small but comfortable. It had a small bed in a corner accompanied by a table, a chair and small sofa. I felt like jumping in to the bed but had to control my feelings.
We both thanked Mr. William again and again.
“So you take the bed and I’ll sleep on the sofa. “ Kevin suggested after Mr. William went.
“No ways you can sleep on that tiny thing. You’re too big. You take the bed and I can manage the sofa”
“That’s not nice. It’s only few couple of hours. I’m not sleepy even” He grinned.
“Don’t lie! You are sleepy. You’re being too nice! Okay let’s toss a coin” I suggested.
He agreed and tossed a coin.
“Tails” I said grinning and it was tails.
“I win! The sofa is mine” I whispered.
He laughed and sat on the bed looking around. I jumped on to the sofa and hugged my knees tightly.
I could see him lying on the bed straightly looking at the ceiling.
“Kevin”
“Yes”
“Are you asleep?” “Yes”
“If you had to marry a person you don’t love, would you?” “ hm, no ways I’m marrying someone I don’t like. It should be someone I love”
“What kind of a person do you prefer to love?” I asked.
“ Hmm, someone who can live with me”
“What do you mean, Kevin?”
“I don’t know, it has to be some one who can understand me though we’re different. Doesn’t matter how much we fight, I want her to love me all day long” He replied.
“I haven’t heard those stuff from Frank. He never speaks about understanding each other or love.”
“ Kevin”
“ Hmm”
“I wish I had someone like you”
Dead silence..
“ZzzzzzZzzzzzz”
“Good night Kevin” I replied closing my eyes.
I didn’t know for how long I slept but certainly remembered crawling on to the bed and Sleeping next to Kevin. I remember him hugging me like a pillow.
“Angela dear, are you awake?” I woke up from Mr. William’s voice coming from outside the room.
I jumped out from the bed and opened the door.
Mr. William was standing in front of the door, smiling at me.
I looked around and recognized Kevin’s absence “Where’s Kevin”
“He’s a nice boy. He is making breakfast”
“And also you two can stay here today as well If you like. It’s a pleasure for me” He replied while wiping his spectacles.
“Thank you Mr. William” I nodded.
I walked in to the kitchen with the beautiful smell of coffee and cheese.
Kevin was busy preparing pancakes like a chef. He looked different than the other night.
He looked neat; he had no facial hair on his face.
“Shaved maybe, but he looked better earlier” I thought.
“Good morning. I have pancakes, toast and coffee for you. Anything else? ” He uttered offering me a chair in a corner.
“No that’s more than enough” I said sitting on the chair he offered.
I looked him working in the kitchen. “I wish I had a man like him” A sudden thought came to my mind.
“No what? What am I thinking? Yes he’s nice, very decent; do not take advances from lonely girls like me. What else can I ask from a man? Hey wait you even don’t know this man. Maybe he’s married with a football team of children. No!!!! He doesn’t look married. He’s probably twenty five or something!” Thoughts started messing my head that I almost forgot what he said.
“Okay the breakfast is ready.” He said while arranging the table. And yes he again looked like Ryan Gosling.
“So I don’t know anything about you expect for your job” I said while devouring on his pancakes.
“So Do I” He said while gazing at me.
“Okay, I’m Angela Lawrence. 23. finished my law degree and got an opportunity to study at a law firm but it was cut short due to my engagement. Only child. Have a Labrador anddd that’s all. About you?” I laughed.
“Fine, So I’m Kevin Smith. 27. Jobless as you know that. I want to be a writer though. So I have applied for a certain news paper named Morning Chronicle, waiting for their respond as well. I have a brother named Richard and a sister named Laura. My whole family is in Scotland. But I live in Chertsey. It’s a small city in Surrey, a bit far from Ascot. No dog, but I have a stuffed dog!” He smile stretched.
I smiled. “Where’s Mr. William?” I changed the topic.
“He is probably at work. And yes, He doesn’t mind us staying here! Maybe we should. Nothing bad has happened so far isn’t it?” He said grinning.
“Yes, maybe you’re right” I said cleaning the plates.
Half of the day we spent doing nothing but wandering in the house. Mr. William looked like a neat man with the way he kept everything in his house.
“This is so boring.” Kevin shouted at me while I was observing photos hanged on the dining room walls.
“Yes, indeed!” I replied jumping around.
“So why you want to go to Manchester?” He asked.
“Well, my mom is in Manchester. I skipped a lot in my story the other day. My parents are separated. I had to move out with my father because he promised mom that he’s going to give me the best. He spent money for my studies and everything. So last month we moved in to Ascot. Frank lives here, father bought a house so that I could spent time with Frank before marrying him. I know nothing about Ascot and I like it here either. I spent half of my life in Manchester. My father is a good man but he sometimes can’t understand what I want. Like Frank. He thinks Frank is the one for me. He thinks I can spend a luxurious life with Frank in another country. But that’s not what I want. I don’t know, I don’t feel anything for Frank. He’s just another man for me. No special!”
“Maybe he’s not the one for you.” He replied
“But I think what you’re doing is not right!”
I gasped with his comment
“You must face your problems. You must have the strength to tell your father what you want. He’s your father not your enemy. He’ll probably understand you. Maybe he’ll let you find what you want” He quirked a smile. Lifting a shoulder in a shrug I started thinking about what he said. Maybe he’s right. What I’m doing is cowardly. I can’t run away from my problems like this.
Moving closer Kevin squeezed my fingers in his and a tingle of awareness buzzed every cell as our palms lightly met. His eyes had a deep expression. He looked really calm as usual.
“How are you taking everything so calmly?” I mourned.
“You have the answer in your question”
“Enlighten me”
“Angela, you must not panic when dealing with life. Be calm and think about everything moderately. Think of what you want and what you don’t want. Sort what you can do and you can’t do from those. The things you can’t do, of course you have to give up. The rest is up to you and your dedication. So this Frank guy, you think he’s not the one for you. You must not light his hopes. Tell him you don’t want this, explain him. Understanding is up to him!”
“Maybe you’re right” I agreed.
“By the way, you’d make an authentic writer” I uttered.
He grinned.
“So what do you want to do Angela?” He arched his eyebrows.
“That has no explanation. I want a nice job. I want a nice family; I want a nice man who understands me”
“I understand you” He said looking at me.
I gazed upon his eyes for a while.
His warm breathe ghosted over mine as he leaned in closer, only inches away from my face. I could smell soap from him. Probably something he borrowed from Mr. William. His eyes were bright glittering at me. It was only few inches which separated me from kissing a man for the first time in my life. I could remember myself crawling on to the bed last night and Kevin hugging me. Does he remember that?
Suddenly a huge knock distracted everything. We both shrugged and moved ourselves away from each other. Kevin looked away shyly and stood up.
It was Mr. William and he didn’t leave for the rest of the day saying he don’t feel well. Kevin and I couldn’t speak a single word as we were busy doing the things at home for Mr. William.
Every second I was thinking about what happened between us. Kevin was an amazing person. He was nothing like Frank. When I was with him I felt like I’m home. I never missed home a single second when he’s around. Maybe he’s the one! It wasn’t right what I was feeling. I didn’t like it. It was weird that I badly wanted to be with Kevin. It was too fast! I knew nothing about this man.
I tried to distract my mind yet I couldn’t help thinking about Kevin. The way he talked, the way he explained things, everything about him was special.
It was true yet wrong that I started to have feelings for him. I shouldn’t have done that. He was a stranger I met on road. He was just a stranger how helped me in my weakest times. It was utter friendship, nothing more than that!
“I must take this nonsense out of my mind” I whispered to myself.
“Not until you’re with him, not unless you go back” The voice inside my head whispered back.
“I can’t do this anymore” I groaned.
Suddenly what Kevin said about my life popped in to my head like a bolt. All did was running away from my troubles. Not anymore I can do that, there has to be an answer somewhere to all of this. All I wanted was to get rid of my engagement and I tangled myself in another mess.
“I have to go back to my family. What I’m doing is wrong”
I hurried towards the phone and dialed my father’s number. It took a while for him to answer the phone.
“Hello” I could hear a weak voice coming from the other end.
“Dad, It’s me Angela” I managed to pull out the words.
Everything became silent.
It took few minutes for me to hear voices from the other line. I could hear my father calling Frank, Emma, mom and everyone.
“Jesus Christ, Angela? Is that you? I can’t believe this. It’s like a decade! What happened to you? Where are you? Are you okay?” A load of questions I couldn’t answer.
All of them were arguing to talk with me.
“Can I talk with mom?”
Another silence.
“Angela, It’s mom. My dear where are you?”
“Don’t worry, I’m fine mom. I’m coming back” The conversation went so long and emotional.
After talking with my family I went straight to Kevin who was preparing dinner in kitchen.
“Hey” I said while sitting on a chair.
He shrugged and smiled shyly.
“I’m going back” I said looking down at the floor, afraid to look him in the eye.
His remained silent for few seconds.
“Oh good, I mean that’s great that you came to a one realization.” He said solemnly.
“Yes, I too think the same” I struggled.
“I’m happy for you Angela” He said finally.
“Thanks” “What are you going to do when I’m gone, I mean you came here because of me” I asked.
He looked stunned and both sober. I wondered whether he’d miss me when I’m gone.
“Well, I’m going to stay here for a while till I find a job. Mr. William is a nice person” He replied softly interrupting my thoughts.
“Okay, So I have to tell Mr. William that I’m going. I’ll talk to you later” I said without any further questions.
“That’s good” He replied short.
The night felt so long that I couldn’t sleep. I felt tangled, I felt hopeless, and I was desperate. I wanted to stay with Kevin and Mr. William so badly.
The next day I left Mr. William and Kevin as early as I couldn’t face them anymore. Kevin looked normal but he had a certain expression on his face I was unable to identify. Maybe my absence won’t make him any difference, I thought.
Mr. William was gesturing until my image faded away from his sight. Tears slowly bounced out from my eyes as I got inside a Taxi.
The beautiful view of Ascot was making my sadness thorough. I wished that could stop me from going back.
When I got back to my family, I could see curiosity, tears, happiness and so much. But none of them were my concern. All I did was thinking about Kevin all day long!
My parents were staying together since I got back and it made me happy.
Everything was way different than before. Emma looked serious, Frank looked very condescending and my parents and other friends gave so much attention towards me.
Yet I spent my life thinking about Kevin. It was a very little time we spent together. But it was more than enough for me to feel alive. Unfortunately somewhere inside me I knew it was a wrong feeling. It could make things worse.
The immense loneliness grew larger and larger that I finally decided to do something more important for my life. I started doing a job at a private law firm named Lexis. Working didn’t replace the hole inside my heart which memories of Kevin left. But it distracted my mind at least for a while, so It helped me to forget the time I spent with Kevin.
Feelings came and went. My carrier went flowing like a straight line and it no more became interesting. My parents planned my wedding with Frank, which was happening soon.
Marrying Frank was the only option left. Only option left for my survival. I knew I couldn’t love him like a man. But I promised myself to full fill my duties for him a good loyal wife. I didn’t know what it had to do with Kevin but I knew I liked Kevin so much. It was stupid yet true.
Each and every day I tried to rearrange every aspect of my life. I was trying to mentally clean Kevin from my mind. I wrote a list of things that have gone wrong. Or more specifically, the things I’ve done wrong. Too much hurt started priding on my side.
Days went faster and faster that my wedding date came from no where. Everyone was so happy, merry and busy making the arrangements. Yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about Kevin. He was the only one I wanted.
“You are wrong” Emma whispered.
“Huh?” I shrugged turning to her who was next to me sitting on my bed.
“What you’re doing is wrong” She repeated.
“What am I doing wrong?” I asked with a stunned expression.
“Please Angela; stop lying to your best friend. At least stop lying to yourself. What is it?” She asked.
I widened my eyes and shooed my head. “What?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” I ignored her.
“Look Angela, I know you well more than anyone on this holy planet. You don’t even eat properly these days. You only do things because they are musts, not because you want to do them. You’re on another world since you came back. I know you don’t want to get married to Frank.”
“Look still you have time to change your mind.” She continued.
“It’s nothing serious. It’s just a feeling that I can’t give up” I stated sadly. I confessed her everything, how I left the party, how I met Kevin and Mr. William and pretty much everything.
“It’s not sudden actually; I’ve felt like that since I met him. I’ve just found the courage to admit it. I haven’t changed my mind, just my heart.” I admitted.
“What am I going to do now Emma?” I cried sitting on my knees while she held my hand.
“You’re in love Angela” She mumbled.
I stumbled backwards, nearly overwhelmed by the power of words.
“You made my day Emma, that’s what I thought too. I wasn’t so sure” I hugged her tightly like a pillow.
“Go for it girl!” She giggled patting my back.
I stood up from where I sat and walked towards the living room. I could see my parents sitting with Frank.
“Here you are Angela. Got something for you” Frank said standing up.
His face looked so glowing that I felt bad to disappoint him but saying him the truth was a must.
“Frank I have to say something”
__________________________
I ran to the Ascot station platform, my feet thudding on the floor, my blood thundering to my heart and my heart pounding.
“Mr. William can I talk with you for a second” I screamed out from the Ascot railway station counter
“Oh, Angela. You went without telling us. I found your letter. What happened to you?” the old man came outside with a worried look.
“I will tell you everything Mr. William but you must tell me. Where’s Kevin?”
“ Oh Kevin, that child is gone” He replied.
“Yes, I know. But did he say he’s going?”
“He said he’s taking a job in London”
“London where?”
“I don’t know my dear”
I sat on a near bench and kept thinking about everything happened in my life and the way I confessed my family about Kevin.
“So you love him truly” It was the first thing Frank said after listening to me. His voice was calm and quiet.
“I’m sorry Frank. I never wanted his marriage. It was just because I was afraid to tell everyone the truth”
I remembered Frank going out from the house and the very next day I heard that he’s left to Switzerland taking a new job. That night he phoned me saying he’s forgiving me, yet he sounded suspiciously joyous that I could assume he was drunk.
I had no clue about Kevin. I searched everywhere for Kevin Smith in both Ascot and Chertsey, I searched for Kevin Smith in Telephone directories and social networks. But I didn’t find him. My only hope was Mr. William. But it was no help too.
I could see my fathers worried face staring at me “My dear, you’re a girl who ate all the vegetables on the plate, you woke up on time, went to bed on time, never bothered anyone. You were a good kid, a very obedient kid. Sometimes you have to take certain decisions which may seem inappropriate but can make your life a good one. So you must take a chance. It’s a risk I know but I’m sure that you can face all the struggles”
“But he said he’s accepting the job which he applied” A sudden interruption came from Mr. William taking me to the reality.
A sudden tickle went through my bones. The job which he applied?
The flash back of our conversations started coming in to my head.
“I applied for a job at the morning Chronicle” What he said came in to my mind with a sudden bolt.
Mr. William was watching me nervously behind. I ignored him and took my mobile phone
“Morning Chronicle, morning chronicle” I murmured.
I searched for the contact number of Morning chronicle through the internet.
My hands shivered when I dialed the numbers.
It took like a decade for someone to pick up the phone
“Hello, Morning Chronicle” A Lady voice came from the other line.
“Hello, Is Mr. Kevin Smith working there?” I asked in a shaky voice.
“Hold on mam” The lady replied. Everything went silent for a while and suddenly her voice appeared again.
“Mr. Kevin Smith is our junior editor. What can I do for you mam?”
“Can I talk with him” I said in a childish way.
She went silent once again. This time it took so long for her to reply back.
“I’m sorry mam,he’s out now”
“Can I have his contact number?”
I wrote down the number she gave me and dialed it more than hundred times. But each and everytime it went to voicemail. Everything was so bad and creepy around me. I was acting weird like a mad person.
The only option I had was going London.
__________________________
“Hi, Is Mr. Kevin Smith here” I said to a man who was sitting in a counter like thing. He gave me a suspicious look and studied me for a while. I was at the Morning Chronicle and it looke hectic.
It didn’t take me time to reach London with my gigantic confidence of finding Kevin. Emma wanted to come with me but I denied as it was something I wanted to do alone by myself.
“I’m sorry, you are?” I asked dubiously.
“I’m Angela Lawrence, a friend of Kevin Smith. I’m in a hurry to meet him” I said faster
“I’m sorry mam. He’s not here” He replied after checking his computer.
“Where is he now? Please I need to talk with him immediately.” I said trying not to cry.
“I’m afraid I can’t. You may come again later” He ignored.
Tears that I managed to hold back were constantly threatening and erupting.
Suddenly tears started flowing from my eyes wetting them. I could see everyone looking at me like watching a zoo animal. “Please this is something immediate. I’ve waited so long that I can’t wait anymore. “
The man looked scared and offered me a chair and glass of water trying to calm me down.
“He hasn’t come today. I will give you his address so that you can find him”
I never knew that crying could do so much in a good way until then!
__________________________
Kevin was living in an apartment which looked old. It looked like a building in nineties. It created a swell in my heart and I allowed myself to hope, because he was in there. I was few floors away from seeing him. I had to take the stairs instead of the elevator as it was broken. I climbed up stairs like an Olympic runner. I rushed through corridors, looking left and right.
After a little attempt, I managed to find his apartment. I knocked the door once praying him to open it. “Knock knock” No answer..
I knocked again, yet I couldn’t get any answer.
This time I hit harder shouting “Open you son of a bitch”
Suddenly I could hear foot steps coming and yes he opened the door.
“Who the hell are you, what….” He couldn’t finish his sentence as he saw me
I couldn’t understand his expression and I didn’t care.
“Angela? What are you doing here? Is this a coincidence?”
“No I’ve been looking for you” I stuttered.
“For me?”
I ignored his interruption.
“Kevin, Kevin I have so much to say. I know this is crazy and I know you have your own life, family, girl friend and everything. But I love you, I do! I loved you since we hugged each other in sleep. I know that was too fast to fall in love, which is so stupid. I’m so stupid! That’s very insane. But I wanted to tell you how much I love you. I’m so sorry! I won’t disturb you again “I stopped for a while to breathe.
Still Kevin was staring at me.
“Okay” Suddenly he said.
“Okay? Okay? That’s it?” I shouted.
“Yes, you said you wanted to tell me something and you said everything you wanted to say. So that’s it. OKAY” He said in a calm voice.
I felt so much anger growing inside me that I could punch his face harder. Swelling up through my stomach, in to my chest and heart, exploding a veritable whirlwind in my head.
“Fine Bye” I said defeated, turning back and stepping away.
I rubbed the back of my hand across my face while walking. I walked in a slow phase that suddenly he grabbed my hands and pulled me towards him.
We both were breathing deeply that we could hear our own heartbeats clearly. Our faces were a fountain of forgiveness, love, fear and hope.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I was just so angry at you. The day you said you’re going back, I honestly did hate you. Do you know something Angela? The irony is, I loved you too since the day I saw you! I know it’s stupid and strange. But it was true what I felt. That’s why I came that far with you. Because you meant something to me”
Minutes went by, neither of us said anything. Neither of us moved.
“I never knew you’d come this far for me” He said breaking the silence.
“I did” I replied softly.
“Angela!”
“Hmm”
“I love you”
“Thank you”
“Thank you?”
“So this means we don’t have any barriers to get back together” I asked ignoring his question.
“Yes we don’t. Just you and me!” He kissed me softly.
“Kevin, why do you love me?”
“I’ll let you know when I find out” He heatedly spoke before kissing me once more.